Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
