she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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