I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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