It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
