im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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