Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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