I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
