So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
