sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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