I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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