my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
