sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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