Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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