my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
