forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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