just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
