I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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