at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
