i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
