he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize