Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
