Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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