I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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