found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You took a bar mat shot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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