I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
