I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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