I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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