i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
