he shaved USA in his pubs
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you had me at cake vodka
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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