I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize