Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
