I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We got so high we made milksteak
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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