38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
