guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
