I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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