seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
