if you like me you must not know who I am
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
