Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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