Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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