there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
