We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
