dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
