highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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