Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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