I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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