We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize