well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
