You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
