He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
