Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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