Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize