On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
