the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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