I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
