just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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