Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wear drunk well.
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