if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
