All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
