I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
