You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
