if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
