Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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