look no pants
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
