He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
