Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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