I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
