Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
