Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
