Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
