Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
