My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think people are normalizing furries
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
