dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
