direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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