Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize