And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
