Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
