So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
