Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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