The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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