I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
