I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
