Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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