Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
