She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
