Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
