you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
