I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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