Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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